


desks are moral support

by antukini



Series: sleepy does camp nano april 2020 [13]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Dumbasses Being Idiots, Hashirama is Tired, Hikaku wants to go home, Humor, Izuna just wants to snoop, M/M, Mito out here establishing dominance in .2 seconds, Touka's just here to spectate, how is konoha still standing, so majestic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23641693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antukini/pseuds/antukini
Summary: “Can someone please tell me why half of Konoha has been flooded while my house was set on fire?”
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: sleepy does camp nano april 2020 [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686649
Comments: 12
Kudos: 217





	desks are moral support

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ser_Thirst_A_Lot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ser_Thirst_A_Lot/gifts).



> prompt fill for louiserandom on tumblr who requested: More prompts! Okay, consequences of Madara and Tobirama's first date: half of Konoha is drenched with a water dragon jutsu and the Hokage Mansion is on fire. What tf happened?
> 
> tried out hashirama’s pov this time …idk what to feel about it haksdhf he just sounds tired but lbr anyone would be tired after dealing with these two for months, even years, on end

Madara and Tobirama stood in front of the Hokage’s desk like two quarreling petulant children gathered by their teacher to explain themselves, both looking singed as well as dripping wet. An entertained Touka and slightly singed Izuna lounged on the couch, an exhausted and drenched Hikaku sat slumped beside them.

A tired Hashirama sat on his chair, arms on his desk for ~~moral~~ support, his eyes pained. He was really getting tired of these two’s bizarre mating rituals.

“Can someone please tell me why half of Konoha has been flooded while my house was set on fire?” Hashirama was so tired he couldn’t even muster his usual disappointed tone for occasions like this.

This incident hadn’t even been the worst this month. This was supposed to be their _first_ date. Sage knew what would happen the next time these two’s ticking time bombs for tempers collided.

Hashirama doesn’t think the village will survive if this goes on. Though the fact that it still stands despite his brother and best friend blowing something up at every opportunity.

Why did it have to be the village’s most volatile pair of shinobi who fell for each other?

Although, Hashirama muses a bit hysterically, if the village continues to stand despite these clashes then the village just might survive anything the gods throw at it. Would this sacrifice be worth it, is the question.

But for all that he’s complaining, Hashirama can’t deny that the pair has been much happier lately. Tobirama’s manic episodes that descended into his legendary research benders happened far less, using more time to (spend more time with) bicker with Madara. His younger brother frowned much less—though it still did take effort to make him laugh, he was warmer. Madara has been far more fierce in their bouts—most noticeably on the days Tobirama would stop by to drop off some of Hashirama’s work or to get Hashirama’s signature for something. The wild-haired man was even getting even more social with his clansmen, and if Hashirama had heard right, usually to complain about Tobirama.

Absolutely hopeless, the both of them.

“So,” Hashirama prodded, “anyone?” He even pointed a glance at the three who had been caught in the crossfire.

At the ensuing silence, he suddenly felt more sympathy for their past senseis because they had been, he was told and was self-aware enough to admit, disasters as children. He guesses this is his penance for his past actions. It was fair enough.

Seeing as no one spoke up, the two perpetrators of this whole mess just looking opposite ways and stood far apart enough that they were only in the margins of each other’s personal space with a heavy angry air around them, Hashirama resigned himself to being a scolding sensei for a while longer and started calling names but just before he could the said perpetrators suddenly started talking over each other.

“This imbecile—”

“Fucking asshole just—”

“—had the gall to disagree—”

“—excuse me?! You—”

“—that he wasn’t beautiful.”

“—Because I am not!”

“Quiet!” He pulsed his chakra threateningly. Hashirama swore these two could argue about if the sky was blue or not— No, wait, they actually had, he thought, remembering an incident similar to the one right now from months ago.

Hold on a second.

“You were arguing because Madara didn’t accept you saying he’s beautiful?” Hashirama can’t believe it. He must be dreaming but—

“Yes,” Tobirama said with a certain look on his face. Hashirama knew that look. It was the look that meant he wasn’t pulling any punches. He’s telling the truth.

Hashirama looked at his best friend who looked like he was spontaneously turning into a ripened strawberry. “Madara, is this true?”

Looking liable to explode, his best friend shouted an obviously reluctant “YES!” his hair flailing long with his hands, sleeves splattering various parts of the office with drops of water.

Hashirama slowly put his head in his hands, still incredulous. He forces himself to breathe through his acceptance, his shoulders sagging. Voice slightly muffled but no less resigned to the reality of the situation, he asked, “And how did that lead to half the village being drowned and my house partly on fire?”

“Madara fucking set me on FIRE!” It seemed Tobirama couldn’t keep his mask of false calm anymore. Hashirama hears him take a sharp inhale to calm himself. “He couldn’t articulate a retort and resorted to setting me on fire which of course I doused with my suiton. Though I admit I may have gotten too enthusiastic with my jutsu.” Hashirama couldn’t see it but he heard the faint wince in his brother’s voice.

“THAT WAS BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T ACCEPT ME SAYING YOU WERE PRETTIER THAN I WAS SUPPOSEDLY BEAUTIFUL! YOU KEPT EVADING AND ATTACKING ME EVEN OUTSIDE THAT THRICE-DAMNED RESTAURANT!” Madara exploded. Hashirama looked up at them again, peeking through his fingers. If Madara flailed his arms harder, Hashirama was sure he would start flying and completely dry his clothes in the process.

“LIKE YOU COU—”

Before they got into another full-blown argument, Mito entered the office with an air of forced calm, posture as perfect as can be. The threat in her chakra stopped the arguing duo in their tracks. Everyone turned their attention to her.

Briefly sparing a glance to the office’s singed and soaked occupants, she turned to her husband. “The flood has subsided, the flames have been doused, no one was seriously injured.”

Tobirama and Madara flinched at the words.

Mito smiled, more of a baring of her teeth in a threat, aimed at the two stood in front of her husband’s desk. “I trust this will not happen again, yes?”

The perpetrators looked abashed and nodded like a pair of cowed children.

Hashirama just looked on as the magic happened.

“Do you have anything to say for yourselves?” Mito raised an imperial brow.

Both muttered a “Sorry” loud enough that Mito would have no cause to make them repeat themselves, aborting a simultaneous glare in each other’s direction if the stopped motion of their heads were any indication.

“Good.” Job done, she looked to her husband. “I will see you at home, dearest.” With that, she glided out the door.

Hashirama let out a sigh of relief, mind already whirring with ideas on how to show his gratitude and adoration to his dear wife for the following days. He nodded at the two in front of him in dismissal. Not like they needed it, already making for the door, noticeably closer than earlier.

They’ll have to work it out themselves. Hopefully sooner and a lot less destructive.

He turns to the remaining occupants on the couch. “Why are you here?”

“Oh, I was just watching,” Touka said with a feral grin, pristine compared to the other two on the couch who seemed to have been caught in the epicenter of the disaster.

“Wanted to know what lead my brother to almost burn down your house,” Izuna said, smiling and not at all divulging about how he was singed.

“Izuna saw me getting doused before he got singed and dragged me along,” Hikaku sighed, still slumped on his side of the couch, a far cry from his usual calm demeanor.

He shooed them out without further fanfare, his usual brimming energy sapped away by the ridiculous argument that spurred the incident.

All these years of leading the village must be taking a toll—never mind that it hasn’t even been a decade. Or maybe that was just because of dealing with Tobirama and Madara specific brand of combined crazy for the past five years. He really hoped Tobirama and Madara could at least tone it down or he would be very much enticed into giving one of them the hat so they suffered in his stead. 

Hm.

That was a thought.

**Author's Note:**

> the tumblr post of this prompt fill is [here](https://antukini.tumblr.com/post/615299582975524864/more-prompts-okay-consequences-of-madara-and)
> 
> google search: how to end stories
> 
> ...now i kind of want to know how future generations develop with this shit just happening constantly
> 
> i’ve barely been getting human contact idr how to write arguments anymore ;-; i swear i had more ideas for this but the shower washed them away :(( i’m very proud of my alliterations tho :))
> 
> i'm never gonna get tired of the m-dash it's my best friend
> 
> [tumblr](https://antukini.tumblr.com/)   
>  [twitter](https://twitter.com/antukini)


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